We made it to five years.  Currently, that doesn't seem like a very big deal, but in the beginning, five years seemed very substantial.  In these past five years, a lot has changed.  I mean a lot.  Even though we thought we were already grown up, there has been a lot of growing up together in the last five years.  We moved across country a couple of times, we had a baby, and we both joined the Army (after changing careers a couple of times).  This is just to name a few of the changes.  

     Marriage at five years isn't as easy as it was in our first year.  In our first year, everything was so new.  Everything was fun!  We got a lot of attention for being newly weds.  People loved to give us their tips to successful marriages.  Currently, I can't even recall some of those tips, but it was still fun sharing in their joy.  Everything was romanticized.  There was a sort of glow to everything.  We loved it.  We lived for it.
 
                                                                                  ...........

    I'm coming back to this post several months later to finish it.  I can't even believe how much our marriage has changed in the last ten months.  We love, we laugh, we smile, we cry, it's emotional.  We are two humans, in two different bodies who perceive, feel and experience two different worlds as they coexist into one that is our family unit.
     Sometimes, getting along with another person is hard.  It often makes me think of when you are kids and your parents leave you to work through a disagreement until you get along.  You would think as an adult you knew how to always get along with another adult.  We have to always be figuring out new and creative ways to work through arguments, as well as get to know this person with whom we are journeying through the world.
     Now we are almost at six years.  I haven't a clue how six years ever went by so quickly.  Marriage constantly molds you.  I think we spend a good amount of time putting dents in each other.  We challenge each other, we butt heads, and, yes, we even hurt each other.
    I have found that one thing about allowing yourself to be most vulnerable to another person is that you allow yourselves to both love and hurt each other more than anyone else on this earth knows how.  So then you also have to learn to heal through the marriage aches.  I don't recall anyone ever mentioning this.  In fact, I have never heard of anyone including healthy healing into a healthy marriage.  No one ever told me that someone who loved me so much could also hurt me so much.  Now, I mean we don't abuse each other.  We definitely hurt each other's feelings.  When you have given someone your heart, you give up part possession of it.  You give up control.  When two hearts are on the line, with two human souls in charge, we sometimes make mistakes.  We don't always say the right words.  We don't always do the right things.  We get angry.  We laugh at both good and bad times.  Marriage sounds great right now, doesn't it.
    Through both the good and the bad you have part possession of your heart and part possession of your partners.  Therefore, it is of the utmost importance to remember that in some sense you are a guardian to their heart.
   

Accepting Marriage as an Act of Obediance

    I have read a lot of literature, Christian and secular, on men and women learning to live, love and dwell together.  I found them to be very useful when my husband and I were pursuing "courtship" and marriage.  I suppose they were most helpful in the conversation fodder that they offered.  They covered an extensive array of topics, but I don't recall much emphasis on marrying out of obedience.  I guess that takes a little of the romance away.
    This is something I've been thinking about, recently, as I am eagerly awaiting my husband's homecoming.  I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the different stages of our relationship.  I guess this is because, in some ways, I am expecting to relive these stages.  As I think back to how we first met, fell in love, and then decided to marry, I recall the place God held in our journey.
     I said "decided to marry," but it didn't feel so much like a choice.  Instead, it was a response to what God was doing in the lives of Daniel and me.  I mean, we wanted marriage.  We really wanted to share our lives together and declare our vows before our family and friends, but I remember having this feeling.  It was like something bigger than us was directing our lives.  As cliché as this sounds, it really felt like we were acting out a movie.  In fact, when the topic of marriage first came up, Daniel was making an observation of how our relationship was growing into something and began the discussion of what to do if this "thing" kept going.  Before that, I remember having this other feeling when I was near Daniel.  It often felt like a voice (which, in my heart, I feel like it was God's voice directing this movie) telling me this is your husband.  It was like God had brought us together.

....Post stopped here...sorry it might seem incomplete.

I Know There is Love, But Sometimes I Still Fear

So I just blogged about my confidence in my love. I shared its wonder and magnificence.  I stand behind everything that I have said. Now, I must add one more thing.  My human nature lends itself to fears of losing my love.
How can the lady who loves to love fear loss of love? My first answer is that I am female.  I'm not speaking for everyone in my gender, but it takes a lot to show a woman she is loved.  I once read that women have a very low ability to retain the sense that they are loved.  So to all the men out there, 'say it, show it, and repeat twenty times a day!'. I would say I was half kidding, but I know my husband would respond differently.  We just need to be reminded a lot. Trust me, the pay off will be worth it!
So how do we forget it?  You know how much a man comprehends when their wife gives them a set of directions while they are watching a football game?  Nothing.  So it's kind of like what's going on in our heads.  Well, it's what happens to me.  I will explain me, because I don't want to speak for all women.  Many of you are stronger than me :). So like men during football, I constantly have a play by play going on.  Only it isn't a football game.  It's a play of fears.  They are fears of inadequacy, losing my lover, and not being important enough for him.  My mind and heart is on fire with love, but there's this voice that whispers from a distance. 
It tries to quiet my love for my husband. It tries to shut my voice down.  It reminds me of my fears and it repeats itself to me.  Sometimes it tells me his hobbies are more important than me, or I'm insignificant.  It's quite scary I tell you. 
Sometimes it seems that the only one who can quiet this voice is my husband.  His voice is louder than the voice of fear.  That's why us ladies need to hear that we are loved so often. 
I kinda have to brag on my husband, because he's getting to be pretty good at this. It helps for me that we had the stat on women forgetting being loved together.  It gets to be fun to remind him of that stat :).
One of the most memorable pieces of advice in our premarital counseling was that your spouse is someone you have chosen to live side by side with for your whole life.  You are there to help them through these things.  It's a joy to be on either side of this equation!

I Knew It was Love!

There is no formula for really knowing what love is.  You can't break off a piece of love and hold it in your hand.  Yet, people die for love.  People accomplish feats of greatness for the cause of love.  Masterpieces are created for the sake of love!  Love is the strongest force in all existence, yet there is no tangible evidence of it as a single entity.

I have found love.  It's all of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph.  I could read writings from hundreds of years ago, written by individuals from various people groups, and my love would match any of the amorous works.  I can also say that I have loved every minute of being in love!  When you find good, true love, you love it!  As I mentioned in my previous blog, I love the good and the bad.

My husband is my soul mate.  One does not dislike their own soul.  So I accept every part of my husband and every part of our relationship.  I have fun with it.  When we met, it was as though we had found some intergalactic mirror and took a look for the first time.  This part of me that lay dormant for a couple dozen years awoke.  This part of me came to life.  I met a person who stood apart from all other people.  If I wouldn't have known better, it was as though I saw man for the first time (sort of what is described in the Genesis account of Adam and Eve).

I recently heard someone ask the question, "How do you know?"  Now, Finding yourself in a place where you are ready to commit to marriage is a huge step in life.  There's a huge chance that you could be wrong.  There is a huge chance that your decision could be driven by emotion and feelings.  Both of which have a strong history of being inaccurate.  So what do you do?  How do you know?

With my love, it was the first time I found myself saying, "When you know, you know."  That phrase used to always make me sick when I heard other people saying it.  Then, it happened to me.  After a little more than a couple months of dating, we quickly realized something bigger than us was in our midst.  We were merely spectators adoring the handy works of God.  We were like children that saw bubbles for the first time (I say this as I imagine my son staring in wonderment at the bubbles).

It wasn't long after acknowledging God's work in our lives that we we quickly made the decision to pursue marriage.  There was no question, just a strong desire for commitment and obeying what God had brought to the table.

Now, we understood life would be hard at times.  We understood that marriage wasn't a piece of cake.  We looked forward to the challenge.  Marriage would be the best ride in the park.  It had the tallest hills, the craziest turns, and the fastest cars.  No matter what we would ride it out.  That's all it took!  That's how we knew!  We didn't know the factuality of our emotions.  However, we did know what we wanted.  We wanted each other.  We wanted to be obedient to God as we knew that our relationship was something from a higher power.  We wanted to fight for each other.  This new relationship was a gift to us from God and we were going to love it, protect it, own it, and, again, more that anything else, fight for what was ours.

We haven't turned back.  It has been over three and a half years of marriage.  We love it.  We enjoy it.  We own it.  I left out we want it.  We want it more than we've wanted anything else in the world.  While there is no actual formula for love, formulas do seem to be created out of love.  Daniel and I have our own games, jokes, arguments, late night chats, and growing our child that bring us together every day.  We cherish what is good and readily discard what is not.  We hold hands through all of life's journeys and never stop kissing.  We seek God in everything we do and seek to know our Father in Heaven better.

We Go Together!!!!!

     Ah! I find my heart at rest any time I am with my husband physically, emotionally, or mentally.  My husband is the one person who knows how to comfort me and embrace my soul.  I bring my joy, love, fears, anger, hurt, and pain to him.  You know what? It all feels good, too.  

     My Lovey is the one person on this earth that I enjoy fighting with.  He knows me.  Our arguments are almost always just repeated dramatizations with different topics.  I always find myself smiling (or holding back a smile) when we argue.  We know each other so well that we could probably each give our first sentence and we could each have the entire argument without the other one present. He makes it fun.  It's almost a game to see if we are going to go our usual way or throw out a surprise.  

       He has my soul.  We are currently thousands of miles apart.  If I looked to my left and he looked to his right we could each reach out to a different coast in the United States.  Distance doesn't change anything.  Our bodies are physical apart, but our souls are sitting on a park bench close together.  We find support from each other in everything we do.  In our time apart, the phrase "my rock" has come up a lot when we mention each other.  Life gets very difficult, whether you are keep at nineteen month-old child from harm or if you are maneuvering the challenges of U.S. Army Basic Training.  Either way, there is nothing too big or too small that we can not handle when we know the other is believing in us, praying for us, and loving us.  

     Love is a four letter word that is responsible for taking care of much more than most four letter words.  That being said, it is difficult for our love to be expressed in just those four letters.  Maybe that is why it takes joy, love, fears, anger, hurt, and pain to truly embrace the gracefulness and grittiness that are embodied between the two of us.  Love is something we can't stop expressing.  When we became married, we were transformed by a Godly miracle and nothing can reverse that transformation.  We are one soul, one mind, and one heart.  God has given me a heart at rest in my husband.

Mole cua toi di Viet nam

So my mole is not only magnetic and magnanimous, but it is also marvelous. It is marvelous due to its recent travels to the other side of the world in Vietnam. I will share with you the journey so far:

Day One (Sunday/Monday):

1. Arrive in Hanoi airport and take a cab through the crazy streets of Hanoi to the Indochina Hotel One.
2. Check in at Hotel and SLEEP :)

Day Two (Tuesday):

1. Enjoy a delicious lunch with the Arthurs at Thuc Don
2. Taxi around the city visiting famous monuments
3. Long Bien Bridge
4. West Lake (Ho Tay)
5. Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum
6. One Pillar Pagoda
7. Van Mieu (ancient testing center for Confucious scholars)
8. Went home and slept

Day Three (Wednesday):

1. Visited Halong Bay- one of the most beautiful natural wonders on earth
2. Came home, ate at La Place, and then, currently chilling in the room

The Magnanimous Mole

As time continued, I grew up, moved away, then returned to my childhood residence. The role of the mole was hurried in its quest to meld the paths of fate and destiny. This was no ordinary mole. It was not idly resting on my foot. There was purpose, meaning, and magnetism.
You may be wondering where such knowledge comes from. Well, objects of fate tend to reveal themselves in their own time. In my case, there was nothing of the contrary. Let me share with you how my object of fate exposed itself.

It started with a boy (I know this sounds cliche, but we truly cannot control fate.). I fell in love, like boys tend to make us do, and it was wonderful. It was clear early on that we collectively embodied a high level of compatibility, but it would not be until one discovery that our compatibility was exemplified.

His name was Daniel and he so has the whole Prince Charming thing going on. Tall, dark, handsome, talented, perfect pearly whites, and the hair and body of a Greek demigod. Obviously, the list could go on and on, but the most important of all of his attributes is found if you move from the crown of his dark hair down the curves of body, down his right leg, all the way to the arch of his right foot. Yes! I said the arch of his right foot.

Fate revealed itself. The mark was not selfishly resting on my foot. His mark was not selfishly resting on his foot. This mark was a magnanimous mark. It was there to bring us together.