I Know There is Love, But Sometimes I Still Fear

So I just blogged about my confidence in my love. I shared its wonder and magnificence.  I stand behind everything that I have said. Now, I must add one more thing.  My human nature lends itself to fears of losing my love.
How can the lady who loves to love fear loss of love? My first answer is that I am female.  I'm not speaking for everyone in my gender, but it takes a lot to show a woman she is loved.  I once read that women have a very low ability to retain the sense that they are loved.  So to all the men out there, 'say it, show it, and repeat twenty times a day!'. I would say I was half kidding, but I know my husband would respond differently.  We just need to be reminded a lot. Trust me, the pay off will be worth it!
So how do we forget it?  You know how much a man comprehends when their wife gives them a set of directions while they are watching a football game?  Nothing.  So it's kind of like what's going on in our heads.  Well, it's what happens to me.  I will explain me, because I don't want to speak for all women.  Many of you are stronger than me :). So like men during football, I constantly have a play by play going on.  Only it isn't a football game.  It's a play of fears.  They are fears of inadequacy, losing my lover, and not being important enough for him.  My mind and heart is on fire with love, but there's this voice that whispers from a distance. 
It tries to quiet my love for my husband. It tries to shut my voice down.  It reminds me of my fears and it repeats itself to me.  Sometimes it tells me his hobbies are more important than me, or I'm insignificant.  It's quite scary I tell you. 
Sometimes it seems that the only one who can quiet this voice is my husband.  His voice is louder than the voice of fear.  That's why us ladies need to hear that we are loved so often. 
I kinda have to brag on my husband, because he's getting to be pretty good at this. It helps for me that we had the stat on women forgetting being loved together.  It gets to be fun to remind him of that stat :).
One of the most memorable pieces of advice in our premarital counseling was that your spouse is someone you have chosen to live side by side with for your whole life.  You are there to help them through these things.  It's a joy to be on either side of this equation!

I Knew It was Love!

There is no formula for really knowing what love is.  You can't break off a piece of love and hold it in your hand.  Yet, people die for love.  People accomplish feats of greatness for the cause of love.  Masterpieces are created for the sake of love!  Love is the strongest force in all existence, yet there is no tangible evidence of it as a single entity.

I have found love.  It's all of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph.  I could read writings from hundreds of years ago, written by individuals from various people groups, and my love would match any of the amorous works.  I can also say that I have loved every minute of being in love!  When you find good, true love, you love it!  As I mentioned in my previous blog, I love the good and the bad.

My husband is my soul mate.  One does not dislike their own soul.  So I accept every part of my husband and every part of our relationship.  I have fun with it.  When we met, it was as though we had found some intergalactic mirror and took a look for the first time.  This part of me that lay dormant for a couple dozen years awoke.  This part of me came to life.  I met a person who stood apart from all other people.  If I wouldn't have known better, it was as though I saw man for the first time (sort of what is described in the Genesis account of Adam and Eve).

I recently heard someone ask the question, "How do you know?"  Now, Finding yourself in a place where you are ready to commit to marriage is a huge step in life.  There's a huge chance that you could be wrong.  There is a huge chance that your decision could be driven by emotion and feelings.  Both of which have a strong history of being inaccurate.  So what do you do?  How do you know?

With my love, it was the first time I found myself saying, "When you know, you know."  That phrase used to always make me sick when I heard other people saying it.  Then, it happened to me.  After a little more than a couple months of dating, we quickly realized something bigger than us was in our midst.  We were merely spectators adoring the handy works of God.  We were like children that saw bubbles for the first time (I say this as I imagine my son staring in wonderment at the bubbles).

It wasn't long after acknowledging God's work in our lives that we we quickly made the decision to pursue marriage.  There was no question, just a strong desire for commitment and obeying what God had brought to the table.

Now, we understood life would be hard at times.  We understood that marriage wasn't a piece of cake.  We looked forward to the challenge.  Marriage would be the best ride in the park.  It had the tallest hills, the craziest turns, and the fastest cars.  No matter what we would ride it out.  That's all it took!  That's how we knew!  We didn't know the factuality of our emotions.  However, we did know what we wanted.  We wanted each other.  We wanted to be obedient to God as we knew that our relationship was something from a higher power.  We wanted to fight for each other.  This new relationship was a gift to us from God and we were going to love it, protect it, own it, and, again, more that anything else, fight for what was ours.

We haven't turned back.  It has been over three and a half years of marriage.  We love it.  We enjoy it.  We own it.  I left out we want it.  We want it more than we've wanted anything else in the world.  While there is no actual formula for love, formulas do seem to be created out of love.  Daniel and I have our own games, jokes, arguments, late night chats, and growing our child that bring us together every day.  We cherish what is good and readily discard what is not.  We hold hands through all of life's journeys and never stop kissing.  We seek God in everything we do and seek to know our Father in Heaven better.

We Go Together!!!!!

     Ah! I find my heart at rest any time I am with my husband physically, emotionally, or mentally.  My husband is the one person who knows how to comfort me and embrace my soul.  I bring my joy, love, fears, anger, hurt, and pain to him.  You know what? It all feels good, too.  

     My Lovey is the one person on this earth that I enjoy fighting with.  He knows me.  Our arguments are almost always just repeated dramatizations with different topics.  I always find myself smiling (or holding back a smile) when we argue.  We know each other so well that we could probably each give our first sentence and we could each have the entire argument without the other one present. He makes it fun.  It's almost a game to see if we are going to go our usual way or throw out a surprise.  

       He has my soul.  We are currently thousands of miles apart.  If I looked to my left and he looked to his right we could each reach out to a different coast in the United States.  Distance doesn't change anything.  Our bodies are physical apart, but our souls are sitting on a park bench close together.  We find support from each other in everything we do.  In our time apart, the phrase "my rock" has come up a lot when we mention each other.  Life gets very difficult, whether you are keep at nineteen month-old child from harm or if you are maneuvering the challenges of U.S. Army Basic Training.  Either way, there is nothing too big or too small that we can not handle when we know the other is believing in us, praying for us, and loving us.  

     Love is a four letter word that is responsible for taking care of much more than most four letter words.  That being said, it is difficult for our love to be expressed in just those four letters.  Maybe that is why it takes joy, love, fears, anger, hurt, and pain to truly embrace the gracefulness and grittiness that are embodied between the two of us.  Love is something we can't stop expressing.  When we became married, we were transformed by a Godly miracle and nothing can reverse that transformation.  We are one soul, one mind, and one heart.  God has given me a heart at rest in my husband.